Adventures In Dysfunctional Breastfeeding Pt.2

Two kids was plenty, so we decided we were done. The drain of working full time and birthing two kids in two years was enough for me. Also, we had a girl and a boy.. that "perfect pair"and popular commentary seems to be if you have both you must be done and if you don't you must keep trying. Strange.  I digress.

My husband got a vasectomy.  His idea, really! So in the fall of 2008 it was done and we were done. The day before my husband turned 52 years old, in April of 2009, I found out we were wrong.
Oh crap wrong.

I am not going to digress into the impact of unplanned pregnancy. It's deeply personal and terribly complicated.  I changed jobs to work from home, pulled the kids from full time daycare and we moved our family to the coast. We were making lemonade. Fast forward to November 2009, in a new town with a new doctor and a different hospital. I did very little to prepare for this baby since I had done it twice already and figured it would be fine. Or it would be whatever.

I did know in my heart and head that I was going to *try* to breastfeed. I didn't read or research. I didn't seek support. I didn't know jack. I knew I was going to be home with her so I knew I had to try, but that was all I knew. I was fearful and nervous and basically dreading it.

I woke up the day after Thanksgiving and felt off.  Well, the next day we were home again, with baby in tow. (THAT was quick) It was my third unmedicated delivery and I remember right after the delivery I was so relieved she was out but also knew my work wasn't done. "Oh God, (help me), now I have to learn how to breastfeed!"

In the mandatory twenty four hours we were there with the baby, the nurses and doctors seemed to encourage the breastfeeding, but in a "good for you, good luck with that" sort of way. There were no lactation consultants on staff. The nursery called (on the phone) to check on the babies feedings and said if my nipples hurt to ask a nurse for a nipple shield. I did. She gave me one.  "Good luck with that".  By the time I got home I was in pain. I was nursing her all the time and it hurt every time. I thought that was because it just does hurt the first few weeks. So, I took my painkillers like a good mommy and kept on.  I  thought "I am going to get this, I am going to be one of those really cool nursing mama's, dammit".

I was very lucky to have my mom in town for a few days while my husband was back at school for finals (yup, good timing huh?). She helped keep my other two children distracted. I was learning how to be comfortable with breastfeeding and trying to teach my kids to be comfortable with it too. It took some time to adjust them to the fact that their mommy was the baby's bottle. My almost five year old was insatiably curious. She was also trying to help. "Mommy are you okay? Does that hurt? Its going to get better right?" She's my little care taker.

By day four I thought I was doing okay. It was hurting like hell, but I was getting adjusted to it and she was eating and not fussy at all. My milk was in and the baby had gotten the thumbs up from her doctor that her weight gain was perfect. I was learning how to nurse while laying down which was a great relief to me because I could rest (thank you God!) and be off my still sore bottom (thank you God, for natural child birth, LOL). I thought I was awesome.
Then I got a cut. I was mortified. I knew what it was because I had experienced it with my first baby years before. I felt a stinging pain and detached her to check it and it was ugly. I just sat there thinking "I have to feed her, what am I going to do?" I don't even remember what I did next. Probably put her on the other side to eat once I calmed down. I had a ton of questions about what I should do and spent all my spare time online searching for answers.
I should've called a lactation consultant, but was really apprehensive about getting a lactivist and also wondered how we'd pay for it.  So, the internet it was.
I ended up using a shield and nursing on the "good" side only while pumping the other side to sustain milk production as best I could. After a week or so I was able to nurse on the cut side again, with the shield on of course. I used the shield from then on. I couldn't bare the anxiety of another injury. I felt protected and my baby's doctor said it was fine. So I went on like that for a while. As she got older I notice that our nursing sessions seemed to go on longer, not shorter. I didn't really know what was normal and I read that "cluster feedings" were common. So I didn't worry, I just resigned myself to it. At her two month check up she was 9lbs, just perfect for a breast fed baby.

I was so proud. By three months I felt like I was doing alright. I was trying to learn how to be mobile with her. I was pretending to be comfortable while nursing in public or with guests over. I just knew I was going to get to exclusively breast feed my baby for the six month recommendation by the American Academy of Pediatrics. I was getting my back patted (for once) and felt like I really had mastered being a good mom. Until her four month check up, that is. My heart sank when they weighed her. I was shocked and confused. She had lost weight.
Pride gone. Anxiety and disappointment enter. Here we go into Phase II of my adventures in (dysfunctional) breastfeeding.

To Be Continued...

Free Shipping @ Banana Peels

www.bananapeelsdiapers.com has FREE SHIPPING this weekend through 5/31. They usually have a $50 minimum for this. There are some exclusions and I don't know what they are. They have Grovia, Sustainablebabyish and Rockin' Green featured right now.

You Know It's Bad When You Can't Even Update Your Facebook Status....

That is how little time I get alone with my computer. I have half written the rest of my nursing saga, but, alas, I am still in the middle of my nursing saga. Just wanted to stop in and say hi.

Hi Web.

Well, it was fun catching up. 'Nighty night.

Yo (tired and crunchy) Mama

Pampered Buns Birthday Deals

They are having a birthday bash over at Pampered Buns (Colorado Baby) with lots of sales and giveaways AND free shipping with the code "BDAY".  Also you can enter to win a GroBaby Shell Set on their facebook page. 

I love it when stores do free shipping so I thought I'd pass this one along. It is for TODAY ONLY, so hop to it!